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These erroneous judgments come from a heterosexist and patriarchal definition of the only "right" way to enjoy sex. Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms. I think they deserve a name of their own. Acting out early-childhood sexual abuse: Sides typically struggle with tremendous feelings of shame. Given the freedom to experiment and explore new techniques, being a side becomes equally hot and exciting as being a top, a bottom or an aficionado of any other position or practice.

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In my office I've heard straight men admit that they enjoy receiving anal penetration from sex toys, or by having their female partners strap on a dildo and give it to them.

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Guys on the 'Side': Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms

During the last three decades, in reaction to prejudiced and destructive anti-gay attitudes, we've seen the pendulum swing so far in the other direction that it's now become almost a therapeutic credo, not to mention a requirement of political correctness, to assume that men who have sex with men are "in denial" and need help to recognize and accept their "true" homosexual orientation. Once released from prison, these men no longer engage in sexual behavior with men. The slang term for that is "pegging," and many straight men love it. These straight men engage in sexual behavior with other men in prison. But what if a guy isn't a top, a bottom or even versatile? Their sexual release with another person occurs with men only because men are what's available.

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They're often sexually aroused by feeling humiliated that their female partners are being pleased by another man whom they see as more potent and better endowed. They can be sexual with women they love, but they are predominately aroused and driven sexually by desire for sex with other men. A man comes into my office, referred by his own therapist and clutching coming-out literature that the therapist has given him. The gay male community has its own preferences that often slide into prejudices, and a great many look down on anyone who's not a top. In any case, it's crucial to give each man who has sex with men information about homosexuality, bisexuality and the coming-out process, sexual abuse, sexual addiction, family-of-origin issues, and mood disorders that could contribute to the desire to have sex with men. As Freud is often said to have remarked, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar!

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